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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Amari's First Birthday!
Amari had a great day! We sang "Happy Birthday" to her first thing, she ate all her favorite foods all day, played with her friends in the morning, and LOVED getting her first balloons. She played, napped and then played more in the afternoon. Amari tried walking on her own more throughout the day too! Her first steps were last Friday! She also walked a lot with me holding her hands. We read books, still her all-time favorite activity, and then... Daddy came home! YAY! After hugs and kisses she showed off her new walking efforts to Daddy. Then it was onto dinner and cake! Amari's eye's lit up and she giggled when she saw the cake. She knew it was to eat though she'd never had it before! She loved it and opening her presents. There will soon be video and more complete pictures in the slideshows above. I have to get them from Mark's computer first. Enjoy!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
SO EXCITED!
There has been so much going on but here's the TOP NEWS!
Our lawyer has submitted all of our paperwork For the re-adoption to court! So now we wait to here when Nigist becomes Amari, a US citizen, and legally our daughter her in the US. We are so excited and will post as soon as we know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other things that have been in the works...
I applied and was accepted in the graduate program at the University of Tennessee starting this fall. I am in the Master's of Library Science distance learning program.
I have my application in for financial aid and have started all the paperwork and whatnot for school.
I got our taxes done though it was quite a series of mishaps this year.
We got all the paperwork taken care of for our lawyer to use for the re-adoption.
Our second post adoption report is almost done. Going to get that done this weekend.
I have joined a Mom's Club in my neighborhood and am loving it! There is so much support from these lovely Mamas and so much to do with the group during the day.
I can ask those embarrassing questions and for advice and help anytime and someone will quickly be there to help. WOW. We all take care of each other and share so much - from bountiful cucumbers to stepping up at the last minute to get someone to the mechanics to pick up their car. There is a babysitting coop that we are going to join for this fall so I can get my school work done.
Amari and I get to one or two activities a week. So far she has been to her playgroup (really at her age now this is more for me to learn from the other Mama's, but it is so sweet to think of her growing up with so many pals), pizza club (Fun at 4 and presto a scrumptious dinner ready to bake that night!), story time (always a joy), and a few other things.
Plus there is Mom's Night Out - need I say more! YES! I love my neighborhood.
We are almost done with baby proofing and at that point I'll be able to host a playgroup at our house.
We have been taking lots of pictures and videos and are going to get those onto the blog soon.
OH and the biggest "project" in the works is, of course, Amari and we are so thrilled with her growth and development! We are just so adoring of her and we all laugh and giggle lots and lots.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Our lawyer has submitted all of our paperwork For the re-adoption to court! So now we wait to here when Nigist becomes Amari, a US citizen, and legally our daughter her in the US. We are so excited and will post as soon as we know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other things that have been in the works...
I applied and was accepted in the graduate program at the University of Tennessee starting this fall. I am in the Master's of Library Science distance learning program.
I have my application in for financial aid and have started all the paperwork and whatnot for school.
I got our taxes done though it was quite a series of mishaps this year.
We got all the paperwork taken care of for our lawyer to use for the re-adoption.
Our second post adoption report is almost done. Going to get that done this weekend.
I have joined a Mom's Club in my neighborhood and am loving it! There is so much support from these lovely Mamas and so much to do with the group during the day.
I can ask those embarrassing questions and for advice and help anytime and someone will quickly be there to help. WOW. We all take care of each other and share so much - from bountiful cucumbers to stepping up at the last minute to get someone to the mechanics to pick up their car. There is a babysitting coop that we are going to join for this fall so I can get my school work done.
Amari and I get to one or two activities a week. So far she has been to her playgroup (really at her age now this is more for me to learn from the other Mama's, but it is so sweet to think of her growing up with so many pals), pizza club (Fun at 4 and presto a scrumptious dinner ready to bake that night!), story time (always a joy), and a few other things.
Plus there is Mom's Night Out - need I say more! YES! I love my neighborhood.
We are almost done with baby proofing and at that point I'll be able to host a playgroup at our house.
We have been taking lots of pictures and videos and are going to get those onto the blog soon.
OH and the biggest "project" in the works is, of course, Amari and we are so thrilled with her growth and development! We are just so adoring of her and we all laugh and giggle lots and lots.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Ear Tubes!
After nonstop ear infections and constant fluid behind Amari's ears we went to see an ENT and he said TUBES! She went in yesterday at 7:30 AM and was out and home by 11ish AM. Relieved that her speech and language development should be progressing normally now.
This is an email I sent last night...
She did great! She was so upset when I went to her after but that is normal and good verses limp and dozy. They were giving her a bottle but that wasn't enough. When I held her she stopped!
The doctor said the drainage was some of the thickest gunkiest stuff he'd ever seen. He thinks she probably had ear infections before our gotcha day.
She's asleep now (she kept waking herself and looking scared as she was put to bed like are you going to be there this time?) but was really lively and played hard all day.
This is an email I sent last night...
She did great! She was so upset when I went to her after but that is normal and good verses limp and dozy. They were giving her a bottle but that wasn't enough. When I held her she stopped!
The doctor said the drainage was some of the thickest gunkiest stuff he'd ever seen. He thinks she probably had ear infections before our gotcha day.
She's asleep now (she kept waking herself and looking scared as she was put to bed like are you going to be there this time?) but was really lively and played hard all day.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Great interview about the complexities and realities of international adoption...
This was on Fresh Air - NPR. It is a very realistic look at the good and bad in international adoption. The interview is with a writer for the New Yorker. Enjoy.
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13&prgDate=05-13-2010
http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13&prgDate=05-13-2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Amari's development over the last few months...WOW!
Amari has learned and grown to do so many things its just stunning!
She now uses a sippy cup on her own - the kind without handles.
She has started feeding herself using her pincher finger grip. She was taking my hand and bringing the puffs to her mouth but today she did it all herself.
She has been full on crawling and pulling up but on Saturday she moved herself from the stair base to the wall and along a chair by holding on to those things!
She says Da Da Da and na na na lots and varied other repeated sounds that she is practicing.
She stated pointing this week and like us to tell her the name of who/what she is pointing at. We're not always sure that the pointing is about who/what she is pointing at because she also loves it when I touch my finger to hers or kiss her finger.
She has been waving Hi but has added bye bye.
She still bounces to music and was shaking her rattle to the music as we danced yesterday.
She has been turning the pages to her board books from the get go and figured out that things don't have to go sequentially like we read them to her. She can go back to a page that she is interested in. She clearly understands certain phrases like the end, all done (stops crying like a switch has been thrown after say that - say when I have been wiping her nose).
She has developed a stronger sense of object permanence.
She started initiating peekaboo with Mark on Sunday.
She has been eating baby food solids and cereal for the last month.
She has been clapping for the last week or so and does it on her own when she is happy or hears me say yay or clap clap clap.
She lifts her arms when I say up and is learning down as I teach her how to sit down from pulling up. She lifts her arms now to tell me when she wants out of the highchair, crib, etc.
She smacks our hands when we hold them out flat for her to high five.
She stands for long periods of time.
She picks up the tiniest things off the floor with her fingers. Really good fine motor skills.
She has been passing things from hand to hand for the last two months.
She talks lots and we wish we knew what she's saying because her inflection and emphasis are so strong its really funny.
She has one tooth in, another poking through, and swollen gums that clearly show more to come.
Now she has three in and two more on the way!
She can stand and move along things as long as she has something to hold onto - sat from a stair to the wall and along the edge of a chair.
She is learning how to sit down.
She climbed her first stair today - yikes!
She can walk if we hold her hands!
There is more but gotta run!
She now uses a sippy cup on her own - the kind without handles.
She has started feeding herself using her pincher finger grip. She was taking my hand and bringing the puffs to her mouth but today she did it all herself.
She has been full on crawling and pulling up but on Saturday she moved herself from the stair base to the wall and along a chair by holding on to those things!
She says Da Da Da and na na na lots and varied other repeated sounds that she is practicing.
She stated pointing this week and like us to tell her the name of who/what she is pointing at. We're not always sure that the pointing is about who/what she is pointing at because she also loves it when I touch my finger to hers or kiss her finger.
She has been waving Hi but has added bye bye.
She still bounces to music and was shaking her rattle to the music as we danced yesterday.
She has been turning the pages to her board books from the get go and figured out that things don't have to go sequentially like we read them to her. She can go back to a page that she is interested in. She clearly understands certain phrases like the end, all done (stops crying like a switch has been thrown after say that - say when I have been wiping her nose).
She has developed a stronger sense of object permanence.
She started initiating peekaboo with Mark on Sunday.
She has been eating baby food solids and cereal for the last month.
She has been clapping for the last week or so and does it on her own when she is happy or hears me say yay or clap clap clap.
She lifts her arms when I say up and is learning down as I teach her how to sit down from pulling up. She lifts her arms now to tell me when she wants out of the highchair, crib, etc.
She smacks our hands when we hold them out flat for her to high five.
She stands for long periods of time.
She picks up the tiniest things off the floor with her fingers. Really good fine motor skills.
She has been passing things from hand to hand for the last two months.
She talks lots and we wish we knew what she's saying because her inflection and emphasis are so strong its really funny.
She has one tooth in, another poking through, and swollen gums that clearly show more to come.
Now she has three in and two more on the way!
She can stand and move along things as long as she has something to hold onto - sat from a stair to the wall and along the edge of a chair.
She is learning how to sit down.
She climbed her first stair today - yikes!
She can walk if we hold her hands!
There is more but gotta run!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mom's Day!
We had such trouble with Amari waking 5-7x times a night, then going down to 3-4x with some of them taking at hour or more for her to get back to sleep. We have done lots more than this post to address her needs. For example I slowed down on activities out there in the world and that made a huge difference. We had Amari's godmother visit in March and together we figured out that if we did too much Amari couldn't go to sleep/stay asleep very well. She's still adjusting to life here.
This is the note I wrote our agency today. They have been very supportive and helpful with the adoption needs that we had to work on to help Amari sleep. This is an update to then on the recent work we have been doing.
HAPPY MOM'S DAY!
Amari is now getting up 1 or 2 times at night! She always need a diaper change one time or she wet (even with nighttime diapers) Additional things we are doing now are trying to mostly have the same person who bathes her gets her ready for bed put her down. Going to bed even earlier. We went from asleep at 7:30 to 7:15 to 7. She got up earlier with 7:15 but does not with 7. She's up at 5:30ish regardless now but she sleeps better.
Sometimes we use the Highlands teething tablets before bed - is she has any of a bottle from the day left we put them in there and give her the bottle before we do stories so that she doesn't need the bottle to sleep. We have used infant Ibuprofin - dosage from our pediatrician - a few times (she has teething and ear infections - sometimes at the same time) over the last few weeks. She had her first fever and so I found out what her dosage would be.
When she is sick/teething I hold/rock/sling her for the whole afternoon nap. She will wake and go back to sleep verses wake in the crib and stay up. If I need to crib her for an afternoon nap when she wakes I take her to the rocking chair or sling her in nap mode and see if she'll go back to sleep. Sleeping longer for that nap also helps at night. She is more relaxed and less keyed up.
I also make sure now that she's more mobile that we do as much active crawling and standing as she's up for when she's alert. When she's sick and teething I get her to crawl to me then hug hold her till she wants to go off on her own again. She wants to stand on my lap then and will just sit if worn out/low energy. I don't force her but give her lots of opportunities to go off on her own. While playing she checks in with me visually and physically a lot more when she doesn't feel well. I make myself available for that (sit at her level while folding laundry etc.) and she lets me know fast when she's tired/needy. We are aware that this is promoting dependence and additional bonding but that when healthy a little more independence will be good and that once we're secure in attachment etc we will work on her playing more on her own again.
Of course we always make a point to do extra interactive playing for bonding - but when she's not well sometimes she really just goes around quietly in the sling while I talk to her and is perfectly happy for longer periods of time than when healthy. we don't want that to become habit forming over normal play and healthy activity.
We still play peekaboo and she has started initiating the game herself! We play in her room at least once a day so that she has positive associations with the room as well as play/interact with the crib in fun ways (pulling up/peekaboo).
She is slowly getting to be less needy when she wakes at night as well.
I did start to be very minimally interactive with her at those times over the last month. It's hard at first and I battled in myself with what's the appropriate dependence /independence level/thing to do here. However she can now wake and babble and play a little on her own in the AM before she calls for us and can go back to sleep more on her own.
Here's what I did.
I started putting her back in the crib {after changing her diaper or, later in the night just picking her up, with one soft kiss, no talking, no play, no more eye contact (minimal stimulus) then standing by her crib holding her and rocking her till drowsy again} in sleep position and barely touching her/quickly removing my touch from her. I had done the holding her head/bottom with the slow removal of touch and waiting 5 minutes between changes/once asleep for a long time. At this point though I would only touch her when she went to get up on all fours and look around or sit up. Otherwise I let her figure out how she wanted to lay and how to get back to sleep with just me there. I then started moving slowly out of her line of site but staying in the room - only stepping in to quickly get her back into a laying down position. It was not easy and took a lot of time for some nights as she tested this out. I would ALSO step in and put her in a sleep position when she moved from fussing/crying to screaming/furious. I didn't want her to suffer but to figure it out. She eventually did and it really helped. She still needs me to put her down when she fully wakes but it doesn't take as long to get back to sleep and she doesn't react as strongly when I gently remove my touch from her as she fully settles back into sleep on her own.
Strangely there have been more times when we put her to bed and she's OUT (fully dependent/tottally asleep as we hold her .p) and she still sleeps better. Also I have started letting her hold my finger again WITH the snuggly and she is SO satisfied with that compromise ( almost 2months of not letting her) that she doesn't play with my hand and I can see her go ahhhhhhhhhhh. Happy.
Today Mark put her to sleep in the crib for her nap and she has been OUT for a long time. Usually only 35 min in the crib. Slow progress but with
LOTS of attention to the nuances and she is getting there. I just got the No Cry bedtime book and while I am going to read it (things will always be changing) I almost don't think we need it! I am so happy with the gentle, though FIRM and CONSISTANT - though not inflexible (sometimes I get frustrated and have to get Mark to take over before Amari feels that, sometimes I have to sit in the rocking chair over stand by her crib when it takes too long or I have zero energy) things we have done. It's amazing how in tune you can be with another person - especially one that can't talk to you about what they need.
We want her to be dependent but also healthy and getting enough rest. I'm resigned to being tired all the time and am amazed at how I can function on so little at times. However I also just gave up on the house and everything else again other than being clean so she can be healthy and safe while playing. I have been sick while she is and so those afternoon naps that I thought well maybe I'll do this...zzzzzz are just fine. We had a few weeks when we were all healthy and we didn't try to do too much. There is time - though it can be hard to believe it.
So there you go!
This is the note I wrote our agency today. They have been very supportive and helpful with the adoption needs that we had to work on to help Amari sleep. This is an update to then on the recent work we have been doing.
HAPPY MOM'S DAY!
Amari is now getting up 1 or 2 times at night! She always need a diaper change one time or she wet (even with nighttime diapers) Additional things we are doing now are trying to mostly have the same person who bathes her gets her ready for bed put her down. Going to bed even earlier. We went from asleep at 7:30 to 7:15 to 7. She got up earlier with 7:15 but does not with 7. She's up at 5:30ish regardless now but she sleeps better.
Sometimes we use the Highlands teething tablets before bed - is she has any of a bottle from the day left we put them in there and give her the bottle before we do stories so that she doesn't need the bottle to sleep. We have used infant Ibuprofin - dosage from our pediatrician - a few times (she has teething and ear infections - sometimes at the same time) over the last few weeks. She had her first fever and so I found out what her dosage would be.
When she is sick/teething I hold/rock/sling her for the whole afternoon nap. She will wake and go back to sleep verses wake in the crib and stay up. If I need to crib her for an afternoon nap when she wakes I take her to the rocking chair or sling her in nap mode and see if she'll go back to sleep. Sleeping longer for that nap also helps at night. She is more relaxed and less keyed up.
I also make sure now that she's more mobile that we do as much active crawling and standing as she's up for when she's alert. When she's sick and teething I get her to crawl to me then hug hold her till she wants to go off on her own again. She wants to stand on my lap then and will just sit if worn out/low energy. I don't force her but give her lots of opportunities to go off on her own. While playing she checks in with me visually and physically a lot more when she doesn't feel well. I make myself available for that (sit at her level while folding laundry etc.) and she lets me know fast when she's tired/needy. We are aware that this is promoting dependence and additional bonding but that when healthy a little more independence will be good and that once we're secure in attachment etc we will work on her playing more on her own again.
Of course we always make a point to do extra interactive playing for bonding - but when she's not well sometimes she really just goes around quietly in the sling while I talk to her and is perfectly happy for longer periods of time than when healthy. we don't want that to become habit forming over normal play and healthy activity.
We still play peekaboo and she has started initiating the game herself! We play in her room at least once a day so that she has positive associations with the room as well as play/interact with the crib in fun ways (pulling up/peekaboo).
She is slowly getting to be less needy when she wakes at night as well.
I did start to be very minimally interactive with her at those times over the last month. It's hard at first and I battled in myself with what's the appropriate dependence /independence level/thing to do here. However she can now wake and babble and play a little on her own in the AM before she calls for us and can go back to sleep more on her own.
Here's what I did.
I started putting her back in the crib {after changing her diaper or, later in the night just picking her up, with one soft kiss, no talking, no play, no more eye contact (minimal stimulus) then standing by her crib holding her and rocking her till drowsy again} in sleep position and barely touching her/quickly removing my touch from her. I had done the holding her head/bottom with the slow removal of touch and waiting 5 minutes between changes/once asleep for a long time. At this point though I would only touch her when she went to get up on all fours and look around or sit up. Otherwise I let her figure out how she wanted to lay and how to get back to sleep with just me there. I then started moving slowly out of her line of site but staying in the room - only stepping in to quickly get her back into a laying down position. It was not easy and took a lot of time for some nights as she tested this out. I would ALSO step in and put her in a sleep position when she moved from fussing/crying to screaming/furious. I didn't want her to suffer but to figure it out. She eventually did and it really helped. She still needs me to put her down when she fully wakes but it doesn't take as long to get back to sleep and she doesn't react as strongly when I gently remove my touch from her as she fully settles back into sleep on her own.
Strangely there have been more times when we put her to bed and she's OUT (fully dependent/tottally asleep as we hold her .p) and she still sleeps better. Also I have started letting her hold my finger again WITH the snuggly and she is SO satisfied with that compromise ( almost 2months of not letting her) that she doesn't play with my hand and I can see her go ahhhhhhhhhhh. Happy.
Today Mark put her to sleep in the crib for her nap and she has been OUT for a long time. Usually only 35 min in the crib. Slow progress but with
LOTS of attention to the nuances and she is getting there. I just got the No Cry bedtime book and while I am going to read it (things will always be changing) I almost don't think we need it! I am so happy with the gentle, though FIRM and CONSISTANT - though not inflexible (sometimes I get frustrated and have to get Mark to take over before Amari feels that, sometimes I have to sit in the rocking chair over stand by her crib when it takes too long or I have zero energy) things we have done. It's amazing how in tune you can be with another person - especially one that can't talk to you about what they need.
We want her to be dependent but also healthy and getting enough rest. I'm resigned to being tired all the time and am amazed at how I can function on so little at times. However I also just gave up on the house and everything else again other than being clean so she can be healthy and safe while playing. I have been sick while she is and so those afternoon naps that I thought well maybe I'll do this...zzzzzz are just fine. We had a few weeks when we were all healthy and we didn't try to do too much. There is time - though it can be hard to believe it.
So there you go!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Bright Hope School (Biruh Tesfa) & more
These links will take you to websites where you can see the positive work being done for young girls & children & mothers in Ethiopia. Amari is from a region in Ethiopia that has a high level of poverty and Malaria. AIDS is a serious problem there as well. The children and the families there are so incredibly vulnerable.
I actually watched Idol Gives Back last night.
It was an education in every video. For example I learned that I had blinders on during our trip to Ethiopia. We were walking & driving around these young girls and their owners, all a part of the sex trade, without knowing it. The footage that they had on Idol was the same as much of ours but theirs comes with clearer eyes. And while I knew that girls could be married young - ages 5 & 7 still shocked me. Babies that lost their mothers in childbirth due to AIDS.
There is so much that is being done to help and it is working.
Children living because they have a mosquito net to sleep under at night. Vaccinations cost pennies and save so many lives. Bright Hope School for girls is in Addis Ababa.
Idol supports programs all over the world. The medical buses that go to rural areas in Arizona are amazing. Food pantries that are helping teachers feed their families, Haiti, literacy in America, and more.
http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback/
Bright Hope School (Biruh Tesfa)
http://www.unfoundation.org/our-impact/stories-of-impact/empowering-women-girls/a-12-year-olds-18-hour-work.html
Heres the video interview of Bill and Malinda Gates.
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/global-health/pages/idol-gives-back.aspx
The organizations that are supported:
www.childrenshealthfund.org
www.feedingamerica.org
www.malarianomore.org
www.savethechildren.org
www.unfoundation.org
http://www.one.org/us/
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/Pages/home.aspx
Food for thought.
I actually watched Idol Gives Back last night.
It was an education in every video. For example I learned that I had blinders on during our trip to Ethiopia. We were walking & driving around these young girls and their owners, all a part of the sex trade, without knowing it. The footage that they had on Idol was the same as much of ours but theirs comes with clearer eyes. And while I knew that girls could be married young - ages 5 & 7 still shocked me. Babies that lost their mothers in childbirth due to AIDS.
There is so much that is being done to help and it is working.
Children living because they have a mosquito net to sleep under at night. Vaccinations cost pennies and save so many lives. Bright Hope School for girls is in Addis Ababa.
Idol supports programs all over the world. The medical buses that go to rural areas in Arizona are amazing. Food pantries that are helping teachers feed their families, Haiti, literacy in America, and more.
http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback/
Bright Hope School (Biruh Tesfa)
http://www.unfoundation.org/our-impact/stories-of-impact/empowering-women-girls/a-12-year-olds-18-hour-work.html
Heres the video interview of Bill and Malinda Gates.
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/global-health/pages/idol-gives-back.aspx
The organizations that are supported:
www.childrenshealthfund.org
www.feedingamerica.org
www.malarianomore.org
www.savethechildren.org
www.unfoundation.org
http://www.one.org/us/
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/Pages/home.aspx
Food for thought.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wow! - Followed by the what's new...
We are just now getting all of the pictures off of our camera from since we've been back. Hope you enjoy all of Amari's cute and funny faces.
I just figured out this last week that Amari's birthday is right around, if not the day, that our paperwork hit the embassy in Ethiopia. Her conception would then be December 23rd (or right around)a year prior to our court date - which was December 23rd 2009. Wow. If she was born a month later none of those dates would match up. I remember calling the agency to double check that our paperwork was in Ethiopia. That was such a big milestone for us and little did we know...WOW! And the adoption in Ethiopia became final at a year after her conception. WOW!
We are having a ball and just can't stop laughing and are just loving every minute with Amari. Even the ones at 3 AM and 4 and 5! She has changed so much over the last few months.
Amari is healthy and happy. She was malnourished when she came to the agencies house to be referred to us. They did a great job with her and she was catching up when we got her. She was still very out of proportion weight to height though. I can't believe how much bigger she is - she weighs 5 pounds more than when we got back! Not to worry she has slowed down on her intake of formula and eats normal amounts of solids. Her pediatrician is an international adoption expert and is pleased as punch with her growth and development up to now. She is finally evening out.
She is not sleeping well at night but is still a happy little pumpkin during the day. She is now crawling, pulling up, standing, she says da da da da, la la la, na na na and various other regular sounds. She has really good fine motor skills and coordination. She seems really bright, is very determined, and funny. She's added solid foods to her diet and that is messy but fun. She's started on a sippy cup and that's the same!
Bonding and attaching is going well. I figured out that when we were in Ethiopia the reason she pitched a fit when we changed her diapers and clothes wasn't that she didn't like that done (not that she always loves it now but often its pretty giggly) like we thought. No it was just what we were taught but that didn't click till now. She wanted her nanny then. She didn't know us from Adam and was outraged that these total strangers were there. I can see it now in the difference with how she is when I change her and when Mark changes her. I have done so many more diaper changes and she's come around. She is settling in with Mark doing that more slowly but it's coming along nicely.
This is why we were told to make sure that we were the ones to feed her, change her, hold her when she's fussy, put her to sleep etc. She has to see that we will be there, we will meet her needs, we will take care of her. Trust. now we are working on her fear that when we go away from her sight - we won't come back and that's more than just learning object permanence for her. Again it's trust. We have to prove ourselves over and over 'till it settles in to her. She's getting there but it's really amazing to see how useful all of the adoptive parenting classes our agency (they are THE BEST) required us to take really are. We are so thankful at how hard they worked to prepare us for everything and how supportive they are now.
She says DA DA and waves when Mark comes home and leans out of my arms to have him hold her. How perfect is that!
I just figured out this last week that Amari's birthday is right around, if not the day, that our paperwork hit the embassy in Ethiopia. Her conception would then be December 23rd (or right around)a year prior to our court date - which was December 23rd 2009. Wow. If she was born a month later none of those dates would match up. I remember calling the agency to double check that our paperwork was in Ethiopia. That was such a big milestone for us and little did we know...WOW! And the adoption in Ethiopia became final at a year after her conception. WOW!
We are having a ball and just can't stop laughing and are just loving every minute with Amari. Even the ones at 3 AM and 4 and 5! She has changed so much over the last few months.
Amari is healthy and happy. She was malnourished when she came to the agencies house to be referred to us. They did a great job with her and she was catching up when we got her. She was still very out of proportion weight to height though. I can't believe how much bigger she is - she weighs 5 pounds more than when we got back! Not to worry she has slowed down on her intake of formula and eats normal amounts of solids. Her pediatrician is an international adoption expert and is pleased as punch with her growth and development up to now. She is finally evening out.
She is not sleeping well at night but is still a happy little pumpkin during the day. She is now crawling, pulling up, standing, she says da da da da, la la la, na na na and various other regular sounds. She has really good fine motor skills and coordination. She seems really bright, is very determined, and funny. She's added solid foods to her diet and that is messy but fun. She's started on a sippy cup and that's the same!
Bonding and attaching is going well. I figured out that when we were in Ethiopia the reason she pitched a fit when we changed her diapers and clothes wasn't that she didn't like that done (not that she always loves it now but often its pretty giggly) like we thought. No it was just what we were taught but that didn't click till now. She wanted her nanny then. She didn't know us from Adam and was outraged that these total strangers were there. I can see it now in the difference with how she is when I change her and when Mark changes her. I have done so many more diaper changes and she's come around. She is settling in with Mark doing that more slowly but it's coming along nicely.
This is why we were told to make sure that we were the ones to feed her, change her, hold her when she's fussy, put her to sleep etc. She has to see that we will be there, we will meet her needs, we will take care of her. Trust. now we are working on her fear that when we go away from her sight - we won't come back and that's more than just learning object permanence for her. Again it's trust. We have to prove ourselves over and over 'till it settles in to her. She's getting there but it's really amazing to see how useful all of the adoptive parenting classes our agency (they are THE BEST) required us to take really are. We are so thankful at how hard they worked to prepare us for everything and how supportive they are now.
She says DA DA and waves when Mark comes home and leans out of my arms to have him hold her. How perfect is that!
Friday, April 16, 2010
In the wake of all the news...
In the wake of all the bad adoption news lately...
I find it amazing that people can so easily dismiss the decisions of adoptive parents under simplistic and stereotypical thoughts and statements. I have yet to meet an adoptive parent that hasn't been run through the ringer by people that don't stop to actually listen and try to see things from another's (usually much more informed)point of view. By the way, lets just note that these judgmental people affect the children throughout their lives.
Things have been very stressful in the world of adoption recently but as a smart, thoughtful, careful, and very ethically concerned person I can say with all honesty from my GAGILLION hours of reserch - that there are sometimes serious flaws in either national or international adoption. And sadly evil exists in every facet of our world including those who look to take advantage of those most vulnerable in the world. This has been a part of our history as a species from the beginning. I stand opposed to those that would coerce a woman in the U.S. (YES it IS a problem here right in the good old "adopt national" "keep it within our borders" U.S.) or anywhere in the world.
I love children and I do NOT limit that love to a national border. I never have and never will. That works for me. I also see that the numbers of children dying abroad as opposed to here in the U.S. are much higher. Our daughter was clearly malnourished before she was brought to our agencies house for us and still somewhat so when we met her. Without adoption she might have died. Adoption national or international, is fabulous because it creates families of parents who need a child to love and children who need parents to love them.
Here's the link to a great article on adoption in the face of all of the bad news.http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125906714&sc=fb&cc=fp
Post #1 - I posted this first comment on our agencies chat site for Ethiopian adoptions recently.
I just have to say...
Posted by: "Mark and Lisa" landm920@gmail.com landm920
Fri Apr 9, 2010 8:31 am (PDT)
That I am so grateful to be alive today. I have my daughter asleep in the
sling and I just can't get over how miraculous she is. I thought I knew how
much I could love someone with my husband, but my little lovebug grows my
heart every second. For those of you still somewhere in the working and
waiting process all of that and it's stress and pain will be like labor -
forgotten in the joy that just keeps on a coming once you have your
child/ren. I have met so many people that have been through more hurdles -
changes in countries due to the closure of a program, switching from
international to domestic and visa versa , the longest wait for a referral
yet (us - at that time!) YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!! You WILL become parent's
to the child/ren of your heart - however that may work out. Once that love
is sitting in you ready to be poured out there is NO stopping you. TRUST
that when you are low. You have the love to give and it will find a home in
another's heart.
Enjoy spring and my congratulations to all of us -wherever we are on this
journey.
Lisa and Mark Mingrone
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post #2 I posted the second one on the chat site also.
Hmmm, it is frustrating to hear people be so ethnocentric, nationalistic, judgmental and so forth. I actually had a parent at my school ream me out one day when I was stuck watching the front office after school. It was really rude but I learned to stick to my guns politely, to listen to what people say so that I am better prepared for what will doubtless be coming my way again, and (after trying to make her see sense - no luck) that you know what - I do not have to justify myself to anyone else. It's not my job to change the world every time.
As it is I see the wheels turning in people's heads all the time when they see our happy family. That is huge right there.
While we are at it let's not forget that it is easy to be judgmental about people who chose an age or gender when adopting. Again it is what works for each family and in the end that people who need to be parents and children that need parents are able to become a family. The best part is that more love is added to the world.
I have seen some fairly judgmental complaints posted here to the effect that those of us adopting from Ethiopia should be less restrictive in their requests. That they should not limit their gender etc. and that they should be more open to boys older kids etc. Boys ARE GREAT - older kids ARE GREAT - that doesn't mean that everyone has to go forward with their adoption the same way. We are actually thinking about adopting an older boy if we adopt again.
However initially we chose to adopt a baby girl after doing a lot of research on Ethiopia and finding that girls are less likely to go to school, more likely to be married too young, more likely to become pregnant to early and more likely to have fistulas etc. Did I look forward to having a baby girl? You bet. We couldn't be happier with our decision. It works for US.
I don't know about anyone else but I too battle being judgmental and have to always learn learn learn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the guest speakers on the show On Point made some either very uniformed or deliberately limited statements on the program. Those statements stereotyped international adoptive parents and families. She said that people spend so much money when they could adopt a child here in the US in under 4 weeks for next to nothing. That families don't do this because they don't want to adopt a child of a different race or like the chic of adopting from an exotic country. She also stated that these adoptions are selfish and not to save a child. I made a quick comment that day but I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!
First of all let me add that the paperwork alone is enough to deter someone from adopting just because its exotic - GIVE ME A BREAK! That just makes me laugh.
The time put in, the heartache of hearing that there are delays and the nerves every time the bad news hits (lord knows the good news rarely sees the sunshine - its just not as sensational) as to how this might affect you - the tears of frustration as you wait and wait, and did I mention the ache - would put an end to and DOES put an end to nearly all attempts at adoption by people that wouldn't do well with it.
Oh and selfish. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!! My goodness that's what having kids is - it's an "I want" because none of us can guarantee that we will do a great job but we sure as heck want to try. Our agency MADE SURE that we weren't adopting to save a child. They want people who want to be parents and who want to deal with the good and the bad all the way.
I am thankful everyday that we used the agency that we did. Their ethicacy, their strict requirements, their adoptive parenting classes, and their ongoing support are worth every penny!
Oh and ONE invetro shot costs from 15 to 20 thousand dollars and may not take whereas - there are few international adoption referrals that don't result in an adopted child. If invetro works for a family then great. For us it worked to adopt instead. Did we save a child as a result - yes. That's the beauty of adoption - my daughter saved me too. I ACHED for years to be a mom. I needed her.
I was so mad at the mother that sent her child back. I am also sorry for her. I'm sorry for the boy and the family.
By the way many people came back with informed comments on the show - http://www.onpointradio.org/2010/04/a-new-look-at-global-adoption
I posted this comment to NPR during that On Point broadcast.
NPR:4/15/2010 10:47:15 AM
Children from Russia are very neglected in the orphanages. They cry during the night when they need to be fed/changed as infants and are never attended to. They continue to try to reach out for care and learn that they will NOT be heard. They sleep through the night and seem like such "good" "mature" babies when in fact they are developing brain paths that are abnormal and severely affect their ability to trust bond and attach in a healthy manner as they grow older.
ALSO it can be MUCH more expensive to adopt in the US no matter what path you choose especially if you run into any legal issues like a father appearing to say that he did not give consent etc. We chose to adopt internationally because it is supposed to be final. Our child is African and we would have been just as happy with an African American. Your guest misrepresents many adoptive parents. We are as concerned as anyone about ethicacy in international adoption but have seen plenty of problems that occur in the child welfare system/foster care. All in all we all need to be looking to take care of children and families everywhere no matter how they are formed.
I find it amazing that people can so easily dismiss the decisions of adoptive parents under simplistic and stereotypical thoughts and statements. I have yet to meet an adoptive parent that hasn't been run through the ringer by people that don't stop to actually listen and try to see things from another's (usually much more informed)point of view. By the way, lets just note that these judgmental people affect the children throughout their lives.
Things have been very stressful in the world of adoption recently but as a smart, thoughtful, careful, and very ethically concerned person I can say with all honesty from my GAGILLION hours of reserch - that there are sometimes serious flaws in either national or international adoption. And sadly evil exists in every facet of our world including those who look to take advantage of those most vulnerable in the world. This has been a part of our history as a species from the beginning. I stand opposed to those that would coerce a woman in the U.S. (YES it IS a problem here right in the good old "adopt national" "keep it within our borders" U.S.) or anywhere in the world.
I love children and I do NOT limit that love to a national border. I never have and never will. That works for me. I also see that the numbers of children dying abroad as opposed to here in the U.S. are much higher. Our daughter was clearly malnourished before she was brought to our agencies house for us and still somewhat so when we met her. Without adoption she might have died. Adoption national or international, is fabulous because it creates families of parents who need a child to love and children who need parents to love them.
Here's the link to a great article on adoption in the face of all of the bad news.http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125906714&sc=fb&cc=fp
Post #1 - I posted this first comment on our agencies chat site for Ethiopian adoptions recently.
I just have to say...
Posted by: "Mark and Lisa" landm920@gmail.com landm920
Fri Apr 9, 2010 8:31 am (PDT)
That I am so grateful to be alive today. I have my daughter asleep in the
sling and I just can't get over how miraculous she is. I thought I knew how
much I could love someone with my husband, but my little lovebug grows my
heart every second. For those of you still somewhere in the working and
waiting process all of that and it's stress and pain will be like labor -
forgotten in the joy that just keeps on a coming once you have your
child/ren. I have met so many people that have been through more hurdles -
changes in countries due to the closure of a program, switching from
international to domestic and visa versa , the longest wait for a referral
yet (us - at that time!) YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!! You WILL become parent's
to the child/ren of your heart - however that may work out. Once that love
is sitting in you ready to be poured out there is NO stopping you. TRUST
that when you are low. You have the love to give and it will find a home in
another's heart.
Enjoy spring and my congratulations to all of us -wherever we are on this
journey.
Lisa and Mark Mingrone
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post #2 I posted the second one on the chat site also.
Hmmm, it is frustrating to hear people be so ethnocentric, nationalistic, judgmental and so forth. I actually had a parent at my school ream me out one day when I was stuck watching the front office after school. It was really rude but I learned to stick to my guns politely, to listen to what people say so that I am better prepared for what will doubtless be coming my way again, and (after trying to make her see sense - no luck) that you know what - I do not have to justify myself to anyone else. It's not my job to change the world every time.
As it is I see the wheels turning in people's heads all the time when they see our happy family. That is huge right there.
While we are at it let's not forget that it is easy to be judgmental about people who chose an age or gender when adopting. Again it is what works for each family and in the end that people who need to be parents and children that need parents are able to become a family. The best part is that more love is added to the world.
I have seen some fairly judgmental complaints posted here to the effect that those of us adopting from Ethiopia should be less restrictive in their requests. That they should not limit their gender etc. and that they should be more open to boys older kids etc. Boys ARE GREAT - older kids ARE GREAT - that doesn't mean that everyone has to go forward with their adoption the same way. We are actually thinking about adopting an older boy if we adopt again.
However initially we chose to adopt a baby girl after doing a lot of research on Ethiopia and finding that girls are less likely to go to school, more likely to be married too young, more likely to become pregnant to early and more likely to have fistulas etc. Did I look forward to having a baby girl? You bet. We couldn't be happier with our decision. It works for US.
I don't know about anyone else but I too battle being judgmental and have to always learn learn learn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the guest speakers on the show On Point made some either very uniformed or deliberately limited statements on the program. Those statements stereotyped international adoptive parents and families. She said that people spend so much money when they could adopt a child here in the US in under 4 weeks for next to nothing. That families don't do this because they don't want to adopt a child of a different race or like the chic of adopting from an exotic country. She also stated that these adoptions are selfish and not to save a child. I made a quick comment that day but I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!
First of all let me add that the paperwork alone is enough to deter someone from adopting just because its exotic - GIVE ME A BREAK! That just makes me laugh.
The time put in, the heartache of hearing that there are delays and the nerves every time the bad news hits (lord knows the good news rarely sees the sunshine - its just not as sensational) as to how this might affect you - the tears of frustration as you wait and wait, and did I mention the ache - would put an end to and DOES put an end to nearly all attempts at adoption by people that wouldn't do well with it.
Oh and selfish. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!! My goodness that's what having kids is - it's an "I want" because none of us can guarantee that we will do a great job but we sure as heck want to try. Our agency MADE SURE that we weren't adopting to save a child. They want people who want to be parents and who want to deal with the good and the bad all the way.
I am thankful everyday that we used the agency that we did. Their ethicacy, their strict requirements, their adoptive parenting classes, and their ongoing support are worth every penny!
Oh and ONE invetro shot costs from 15 to 20 thousand dollars and may not take whereas - there are few international adoption referrals that don't result in an adopted child. If invetro works for a family then great. For us it worked to adopt instead. Did we save a child as a result - yes. That's the beauty of adoption - my daughter saved me too. I ACHED for years to be a mom. I needed her.
I was so mad at the mother that sent her child back. I am also sorry for her. I'm sorry for the boy and the family.
By the way many people came back with informed comments on the show - http://www.onpointradio.org/2010/04/a-new-look-at-global-adoption
I posted this comment to NPR during that On Point broadcast.
NPR:4/15/2010 10:47:15 AM
Children from Russia are very neglected in the orphanages. They cry during the night when they need to be fed/changed as infants and are never attended to. They continue to try to reach out for care and learn that they will NOT be heard. They sleep through the night and seem like such "good" "mature" babies when in fact they are developing brain paths that are abnormal and severely affect their ability to trust bond and attach in a healthy manner as they grow older.
ALSO it can be MUCH more expensive to adopt in the US no matter what path you choose especially if you run into any legal issues like a father appearing to say that he did not give consent etc. We chose to adopt internationally because it is supposed to be final. Our child is African and we would have been just as happy with an African American. Your guest misrepresents many adoptive parents. We are as concerned as anyone about ethicacy in international adoption but have seen plenty of problems that occur in the child welfare system/foster care. All in all we all need to be looking to take care of children and families everywhere no matter how they are formed.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
We're back!
AMARI IS THE MOST ADORABLE CHILD EVER! Doesn't every parent feel that way? There's so much to say but I've only time to write once today so enjoy my post to our Agencies Chat group about our trip and Happy Valentines Day! Love ya!
Hi there,
We're finally home (snowstorms interfered). There is no place like it for sure.
It’s Valentines Day today and we are so in love with our daughter that it is perfect that our first few days back land on this holiday.
We both think that it is really worth your while to go on the trip to see your birth families. We cannot yet take all of it in but know how it changed our whole experience of our adoption. It is an honor and a rare opportunity that
The trip to and from Awassa is really great opportunity to see the landscape of the country, the rural world, and the ongoing dichotomies of
Take Dramamine if you tend to get car sick regardless. The drivers we had were GREAT negotiating the flow of it all like pros, but driving anywhere in
Get antibiotics for everyone including your child/ren. We took it ourselves due the above issues and not wanting to get an infection from our heavy congestion. We felt better as the Sudafed and antihistamines were not getting it all.
While the diarrhea in our baby from taking the antibiotics was not fun, her chest and nose congestion had us worried that she would have an ear infection on the fight home. My husband was sick for weeks as a kid after flying with a ear infection and we didn't want that for our child. As it turns out Mark was right on the money because the doctor saw a recovering ear infection at her appointment the day after we got back. He gave us kuddos for getting her taken care of. She did really well on the plane and was happy most of the time despite a 3 hour stint on the plane in
In a larger travel group of new people with complex and varying needs and a new country things to remember – slow down, be flexible, patient, appreciative and generous. Because that’s what everyone at HOH (and the people in the country) has to do to put up with us and they do all of it with amazing politeness, care, warmth, and graciousness. I still cannot get over how well they took care of us and how much they and EVERYONE in the country LOVE, love on, and care for our kids. It’s really stunning at times. More to come on the loveliness of the people from there that we met there another time.
I was not always as great at being patient etc. as I would like but tried hard, and really enjoyed every family for their super kindness, their varied perspectives, the support and help you get from everyone in the group, and the spice of life that they added to this experience. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and their kiddos in the future.
Right now though my baby girl has woken up (we are still jet lagged) and I am going to enjoy more of her giggles and chortles. I am going to kiss my lovely husband – who by the way made me fall in love with him all over again as I watched him hold, comfort, and play with Amari our first day together as a family.
--
Lisa and Mark Mingrone
Check out our adoption blog!
http://landm920.blogspot.com
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Long week coming to a close
We have been in Addis Ababa since Sunday last week and have experienced a lot. It has been really difficult to get on the internet so most of our updates about the trip will happen when we get back home. But here are some highlights.
We met our little girl on Monday. We will name her Amari and keep her birth name (Nigist) as her middle name. However, Nigist is Ahmaric for "Queen" so most of the locals seem to light up when they hear that name. So for most of the week she has been Nigist.
She has really warmed up to us and is a pleasure to be around because if she is in the right mood it is really easy to get her to laugh and stick out her tongue. As the week goes on she is more comfortable falling asleep in our arms rather than on her own. She is actually insisting on it so we know she is really starting to bond to us. More work to do in that area, but we've seen other families going through a lot worse so there are no complaints from us.
Her paperwork at the US embassy is complete so we now have a passport with her little face on it, plus a big important envelope that has to remain sealed and only opened by US immigration when we land in DC. It will mean a few hours waiting in immigration, but it's all been approved so that is the last hurdle!!
Tomorrow will be our last day to see any sites and then get some rest before packing. There is a lot more to tell and share about the trip when we get home.
We met our little girl on Monday. We will name her Amari and keep her birth name (Nigist) as her middle name. However, Nigist is Ahmaric for "Queen" so most of the locals seem to light up when they hear that name. So for most of the week she has been Nigist.
She has really warmed up to us and is a pleasure to be around because if she is in the right mood it is really easy to get her to laugh and stick out her tongue. As the week goes on she is more comfortable falling asleep in our arms rather than on her own. She is actually insisting on it so we know she is really starting to bond to us. More work to do in that area, but we've seen other families going through a lot worse so there are no complaints from us.
Her paperwork at the US embassy is complete so we now have a passport with her little face on it, plus a big important envelope that has to remain sealed and only opened by US immigration when we land in DC. It will mean a few hours waiting in immigration, but it's all been approved so that is the last hurdle!!
Tomorrow will be our last day to see any sites and then get some rest before packing. There is a lot more to tell and share about the trip when we get home.
Friday, January 29, 2010
New pictures at about 5 months and we're off!
We leave tomorrow! Aren't her lips gorgeous? When her eyes are open they're all you see but oh my!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Amari's Up and Moving
Hello! She's up and rockin! This is normal for her age so we are excited to see her development. Yes it's blurry but look at her forehead! Mark said her head had to catch up with her eyes. Look how lively and smiley she is!
Hey baby Gotcha Day is 16 days and we are counting each one down! Love Mom & Dad
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
WE HAVE A VISA DATE!!!
WOO HOO! FEBRUARY 4TH! That's a Thursday so we leave the weekend before and comeback mid way through the next week. I'm so psyched! Gotta buy plane tickets! We're almost there baby! YAY! YAY! YAY!
Ok - so I still have a lot to learn
So I owe all of you all that have commented on our blog a big HELLO! I have never really clicked with that part of the blog until today - just now. I was looking through old posts, noticed the little icon that said there were comments, hmmm thats neat, and clicked and Voila! There you all were!!!! How fun! So as you can see I have a lot to learn...
In the Meantime
Wow! It's amazing how much there is to do before we go. Not just things like get house/cat sitters, clean, meal plan for when we get back (freezing food is my big plan), get baby supplies, get more luggage (shop for luggage that can get destroyed but is still sturdy - ummm??? - Cheap and good do not go together but who wants to struggle with luggage on a LONG trip with a new baby?), try an figure out what lotions/hair care products to get (baby has different skin and hair needs than we do for being a baby and being black), get leave/time off at my jobs set up, get her added to our healthcare, get the rest of our vaccinations, get some things fixed in the house, baby proof the house, figure out travel plans & expenses. Make sure I don't miss a detail on steps to get her home - little things like making sure that our home study extension was wired to the embassy in Addis and that we know Amari has passed her TB exam before we go, getting another document notarized, backing up all of our data, sending to ourselves in an email of it all for back up while we are traveling on top of all of the copies we have to carry with us - do I have every bit there ( for example - all of our last years tax return - REALLY have they SEEN one of ours???? I've so many W2's it silly!!! - evey page scanned in to the computer save to a file, then printed out to take with us). Not to mention the seemingly GOBS of paperwork that still needs to be done. It's amazing what my printer has had to spit out in the last week. Oh yeah and we need to make a will, buy extra cat food and kitty litter, get a packing list, pack, get our donations together for the kids in Ethiopia at the orphanage and the House of Hope, read more about adoption parenting and attachment for our trip so that we are ready when we get her- those are some crucial days and when we first get home, looking at the post adoption paperwork, adding to Amari's baby/lifebook.... This is just off the top of my head you know, not from the many lists that I am trying to check off. I'm sure there's plenty I've left off... WOW!
It helps to be elated and excited otherwise I think I'd be really overwhelmed. I almost was the other day when I got our travel email from our agency (I've already read the packet they sent and I so though I was getting ahead) then when I went to the link for a government website to get the additional forms that I found out we need to fill out. OMG. A stack as thick as my finger of papers - I'm not kidding. I haven't even read it yet.
WOW!
And see she's growing and changing all of this time without Mark and I to love on her and give her the care she really deserves and needs. I just want to GO! NOW!
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