These links will take you to websites where you can see the positive work being done for young girls & children & mothers in Ethiopia. Amari is from a region in Ethiopia that has a high level of poverty and Malaria. AIDS is a serious problem there as well. The children and the families there are so incredibly vulnerable.
I actually watched Idol Gives Back last night.
It was an education in every video. For example I learned that I had blinders on during our trip to Ethiopia. We were walking & driving around these young girls and their owners, all a part of the sex trade, without knowing it. The footage that they had on Idol was the same as much of ours but theirs comes with clearer eyes. And while I knew that girls could be married young - ages 5 & 7 still shocked me. Babies that lost their mothers in childbirth due to AIDS.
There is so much that is being done to help and it is working.
Children living because they have a mosquito net to sleep under at night. Vaccinations cost pennies and save so many lives. Bright Hope School for girls is in Addis Ababa.
Idol supports programs all over the world. The medical buses that go to rural areas in Arizona are amazing. Food pantries that are helping teachers feed their families, Haiti, literacy in America, and more.
http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback/
Bright Hope School (Biruh Tesfa)
http://www.unfoundation.org/our-impact/stories-of-impact/empowering-women-girls/a-12-year-olds-18-hour-work.html
Heres the video interview of Bill and Malinda Gates.
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/global-health/pages/idol-gives-back.aspx
The organizations that are supported:
www.childrenshealthfund.org
www.feedingamerica.org
www.malarianomore.org
www.savethechildren.org
www.unfoundation.org
http://www.one.org/us/
http://www.gatesfoundation.org/Pages/home.aspx
Food for thought.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wow! - Followed by the what's new...
We are just now getting all of the pictures off of our camera from since we've been back. Hope you enjoy all of Amari's cute and funny faces.
I just figured out this last week that Amari's birthday is right around, if not the day, that our paperwork hit the embassy in Ethiopia. Her conception would then be December 23rd (or right around)a year prior to our court date - which was December 23rd 2009. Wow. If she was born a month later none of those dates would match up. I remember calling the agency to double check that our paperwork was in Ethiopia. That was such a big milestone for us and little did we know...WOW! And the adoption in Ethiopia became final at a year after her conception. WOW!
We are having a ball and just can't stop laughing and are just loving every minute with Amari. Even the ones at 3 AM and 4 and 5! She has changed so much over the last few months.
Amari is healthy and happy. She was malnourished when she came to the agencies house to be referred to us. They did a great job with her and she was catching up when we got her. She was still very out of proportion weight to height though. I can't believe how much bigger she is - she weighs 5 pounds more than when we got back! Not to worry she has slowed down on her intake of formula and eats normal amounts of solids. Her pediatrician is an international adoption expert and is pleased as punch with her growth and development up to now. She is finally evening out.
She is not sleeping well at night but is still a happy little pumpkin during the day. She is now crawling, pulling up, standing, she says da da da da, la la la, na na na and various other regular sounds. She has really good fine motor skills and coordination. She seems really bright, is very determined, and funny. She's added solid foods to her diet and that is messy but fun. She's started on a sippy cup and that's the same!
Bonding and attaching is going well. I figured out that when we were in Ethiopia the reason she pitched a fit when we changed her diapers and clothes wasn't that she didn't like that done (not that she always loves it now but often its pretty giggly) like we thought. No it was just what we were taught but that didn't click till now. She wanted her nanny then. She didn't know us from Adam and was outraged that these total strangers were there. I can see it now in the difference with how she is when I change her and when Mark changes her. I have done so many more diaper changes and she's come around. She is settling in with Mark doing that more slowly but it's coming along nicely.
This is why we were told to make sure that we were the ones to feed her, change her, hold her when she's fussy, put her to sleep etc. She has to see that we will be there, we will meet her needs, we will take care of her. Trust. now we are working on her fear that when we go away from her sight - we won't come back and that's more than just learning object permanence for her. Again it's trust. We have to prove ourselves over and over 'till it settles in to her. She's getting there but it's really amazing to see how useful all of the adoptive parenting classes our agency (they are THE BEST) required us to take really are. We are so thankful at how hard they worked to prepare us for everything and how supportive they are now.
She says DA DA and waves when Mark comes home and leans out of my arms to have him hold her. How perfect is that!
I just figured out this last week that Amari's birthday is right around, if not the day, that our paperwork hit the embassy in Ethiopia. Her conception would then be December 23rd (or right around)a year prior to our court date - which was December 23rd 2009. Wow. If she was born a month later none of those dates would match up. I remember calling the agency to double check that our paperwork was in Ethiopia. That was such a big milestone for us and little did we know...WOW! And the adoption in Ethiopia became final at a year after her conception. WOW!
We are having a ball and just can't stop laughing and are just loving every minute with Amari. Even the ones at 3 AM and 4 and 5! She has changed so much over the last few months.
Amari is healthy and happy. She was malnourished when she came to the agencies house to be referred to us. They did a great job with her and she was catching up when we got her. She was still very out of proportion weight to height though. I can't believe how much bigger she is - she weighs 5 pounds more than when we got back! Not to worry she has slowed down on her intake of formula and eats normal amounts of solids. Her pediatrician is an international adoption expert and is pleased as punch with her growth and development up to now. She is finally evening out.
She is not sleeping well at night but is still a happy little pumpkin during the day. She is now crawling, pulling up, standing, she says da da da da, la la la, na na na and various other regular sounds. She has really good fine motor skills and coordination. She seems really bright, is very determined, and funny. She's added solid foods to her diet and that is messy but fun. She's started on a sippy cup and that's the same!
Bonding and attaching is going well. I figured out that when we were in Ethiopia the reason she pitched a fit when we changed her diapers and clothes wasn't that she didn't like that done (not that she always loves it now but often its pretty giggly) like we thought. No it was just what we were taught but that didn't click till now. She wanted her nanny then. She didn't know us from Adam and was outraged that these total strangers were there. I can see it now in the difference with how she is when I change her and when Mark changes her. I have done so many more diaper changes and she's come around. She is settling in with Mark doing that more slowly but it's coming along nicely.
This is why we were told to make sure that we were the ones to feed her, change her, hold her when she's fussy, put her to sleep etc. She has to see that we will be there, we will meet her needs, we will take care of her. Trust. now we are working on her fear that when we go away from her sight - we won't come back and that's more than just learning object permanence for her. Again it's trust. We have to prove ourselves over and over 'till it settles in to her. She's getting there but it's really amazing to see how useful all of the adoptive parenting classes our agency (they are THE BEST) required us to take really are. We are so thankful at how hard they worked to prepare us for everything and how supportive they are now.
She says DA DA and waves when Mark comes home and leans out of my arms to have him hold her. How perfect is that!
Friday, April 16, 2010
In the wake of all the news...
In the wake of all the bad adoption news lately...
I find it amazing that people can so easily dismiss the decisions of adoptive parents under simplistic and stereotypical thoughts and statements. I have yet to meet an adoptive parent that hasn't been run through the ringer by people that don't stop to actually listen and try to see things from another's (usually much more informed)point of view. By the way, lets just note that these judgmental people affect the children throughout their lives.
Things have been very stressful in the world of adoption recently but as a smart, thoughtful, careful, and very ethically concerned person I can say with all honesty from my GAGILLION hours of reserch - that there are sometimes serious flaws in either national or international adoption. And sadly evil exists in every facet of our world including those who look to take advantage of those most vulnerable in the world. This has been a part of our history as a species from the beginning. I stand opposed to those that would coerce a woman in the U.S. (YES it IS a problem here right in the good old "adopt national" "keep it within our borders" U.S.) or anywhere in the world.
I love children and I do NOT limit that love to a national border. I never have and never will. That works for me. I also see that the numbers of children dying abroad as opposed to here in the U.S. are much higher. Our daughter was clearly malnourished before she was brought to our agencies house for us and still somewhat so when we met her. Without adoption she might have died. Adoption national or international, is fabulous because it creates families of parents who need a child to love and children who need parents to love them.
Here's the link to a great article on adoption in the face of all of the bad news.http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125906714&sc=fb&cc=fp
Post #1 - I posted this first comment on our agencies chat site for Ethiopian adoptions recently.
I just have to say...
Posted by: "Mark and Lisa" landm920@gmail.com landm920
Fri Apr 9, 2010 8:31 am (PDT)
That I am so grateful to be alive today. I have my daughter asleep in the
sling and I just can't get over how miraculous she is. I thought I knew how
much I could love someone with my husband, but my little lovebug grows my
heart every second. For those of you still somewhere in the working and
waiting process all of that and it's stress and pain will be like labor -
forgotten in the joy that just keeps on a coming once you have your
child/ren. I have met so many people that have been through more hurdles -
changes in countries due to the closure of a program, switching from
international to domestic and visa versa , the longest wait for a referral
yet (us - at that time!) YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!! You WILL become parent's
to the child/ren of your heart - however that may work out. Once that love
is sitting in you ready to be poured out there is NO stopping you. TRUST
that when you are low. You have the love to give and it will find a home in
another's heart.
Enjoy spring and my congratulations to all of us -wherever we are on this
journey.
Lisa and Mark Mingrone
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post #2 I posted the second one on the chat site also.
Hmmm, it is frustrating to hear people be so ethnocentric, nationalistic, judgmental and so forth. I actually had a parent at my school ream me out one day when I was stuck watching the front office after school. It was really rude but I learned to stick to my guns politely, to listen to what people say so that I am better prepared for what will doubtless be coming my way again, and (after trying to make her see sense - no luck) that you know what - I do not have to justify myself to anyone else. It's not my job to change the world every time.
As it is I see the wheels turning in people's heads all the time when they see our happy family. That is huge right there.
While we are at it let's not forget that it is easy to be judgmental about people who chose an age or gender when adopting. Again it is what works for each family and in the end that people who need to be parents and children that need parents are able to become a family. The best part is that more love is added to the world.
I have seen some fairly judgmental complaints posted here to the effect that those of us adopting from Ethiopia should be less restrictive in their requests. That they should not limit their gender etc. and that they should be more open to boys older kids etc. Boys ARE GREAT - older kids ARE GREAT - that doesn't mean that everyone has to go forward with their adoption the same way. We are actually thinking about adopting an older boy if we adopt again.
However initially we chose to adopt a baby girl after doing a lot of research on Ethiopia and finding that girls are less likely to go to school, more likely to be married too young, more likely to become pregnant to early and more likely to have fistulas etc. Did I look forward to having a baby girl? You bet. We couldn't be happier with our decision. It works for US.
I don't know about anyone else but I too battle being judgmental and have to always learn learn learn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the guest speakers on the show On Point made some either very uniformed or deliberately limited statements on the program. Those statements stereotyped international adoptive parents and families. She said that people spend so much money when they could adopt a child here in the US in under 4 weeks for next to nothing. That families don't do this because they don't want to adopt a child of a different race or like the chic of adopting from an exotic country. She also stated that these adoptions are selfish and not to save a child. I made a quick comment that day but I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!
First of all let me add that the paperwork alone is enough to deter someone from adopting just because its exotic - GIVE ME A BREAK! That just makes me laugh.
The time put in, the heartache of hearing that there are delays and the nerves every time the bad news hits (lord knows the good news rarely sees the sunshine - its just not as sensational) as to how this might affect you - the tears of frustration as you wait and wait, and did I mention the ache - would put an end to and DOES put an end to nearly all attempts at adoption by people that wouldn't do well with it.
Oh and selfish. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!! My goodness that's what having kids is - it's an "I want" because none of us can guarantee that we will do a great job but we sure as heck want to try. Our agency MADE SURE that we weren't adopting to save a child. They want people who want to be parents and who want to deal with the good and the bad all the way.
I am thankful everyday that we used the agency that we did. Their ethicacy, their strict requirements, their adoptive parenting classes, and their ongoing support are worth every penny!
Oh and ONE invetro shot costs from 15 to 20 thousand dollars and may not take whereas - there are few international adoption referrals that don't result in an adopted child. If invetro works for a family then great. For us it worked to adopt instead. Did we save a child as a result - yes. That's the beauty of adoption - my daughter saved me too. I ACHED for years to be a mom. I needed her.
I was so mad at the mother that sent her child back. I am also sorry for her. I'm sorry for the boy and the family.
By the way many people came back with informed comments on the show - http://www.onpointradio.org/2010/04/a-new-look-at-global-adoption
I posted this comment to NPR during that On Point broadcast.
NPR:4/15/2010 10:47:15 AM
Children from Russia are very neglected in the orphanages. They cry during the night when they need to be fed/changed as infants and are never attended to. They continue to try to reach out for care and learn that they will NOT be heard. They sleep through the night and seem like such "good" "mature" babies when in fact they are developing brain paths that are abnormal and severely affect their ability to trust bond and attach in a healthy manner as they grow older.
ALSO it can be MUCH more expensive to adopt in the US no matter what path you choose especially if you run into any legal issues like a father appearing to say that he did not give consent etc. We chose to adopt internationally because it is supposed to be final. Our child is African and we would have been just as happy with an African American. Your guest misrepresents many adoptive parents. We are as concerned as anyone about ethicacy in international adoption but have seen plenty of problems that occur in the child welfare system/foster care. All in all we all need to be looking to take care of children and families everywhere no matter how they are formed.
I find it amazing that people can so easily dismiss the decisions of adoptive parents under simplistic and stereotypical thoughts and statements. I have yet to meet an adoptive parent that hasn't been run through the ringer by people that don't stop to actually listen and try to see things from another's (usually much more informed)point of view. By the way, lets just note that these judgmental people affect the children throughout their lives.
Things have been very stressful in the world of adoption recently but as a smart, thoughtful, careful, and very ethically concerned person I can say with all honesty from my GAGILLION hours of reserch - that there are sometimes serious flaws in either national or international adoption. And sadly evil exists in every facet of our world including those who look to take advantage of those most vulnerable in the world. This has been a part of our history as a species from the beginning. I stand opposed to those that would coerce a woman in the U.S. (YES it IS a problem here right in the good old "adopt national" "keep it within our borders" U.S.) or anywhere in the world.
I love children and I do NOT limit that love to a national border. I never have and never will. That works for me. I also see that the numbers of children dying abroad as opposed to here in the U.S. are much higher. Our daughter was clearly malnourished before she was brought to our agencies house for us and still somewhat so when we met her. Without adoption she might have died. Adoption national or international, is fabulous because it creates families of parents who need a child to love and children who need parents to love them.
Here's the link to a great article on adoption in the face of all of the bad news.http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125906714&sc=fb&cc=fp
Post #1 - I posted this first comment on our agencies chat site for Ethiopian adoptions recently.
I just have to say...
Posted by: "Mark and Lisa" landm920@gmail.com landm920
Fri Apr 9, 2010 8:31 am (PDT)
That I am so grateful to be alive today. I have my daughter asleep in the
sling and I just can't get over how miraculous she is. I thought I knew how
much I could love someone with my husband, but my little lovebug grows my
heart every second. For those of you still somewhere in the working and
waiting process all of that and it's stress and pain will be like labor -
forgotten in the joy that just keeps on a coming once you have your
child/ren. I have met so many people that have been through more hurdles -
changes in countries due to the closure of a program, switching from
international to domestic and visa versa , the longest wait for a referral
yet (us - at that time!) YOU WILL GET THERE!!!!! You WILL become parent's
to the child/ren of your heart - however that may work out. Once that love
is sitting in you ready to be poured out there is NO stopping you. TRUST
that when you are low. You have the love to give and it will find a home in
another's heart.
Enjoy spring and my congratulations to all of us -wherever we are on this
journey.
Lisa and Mark Mingrone
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post #2 I posted the second one on the chat site also.
Hmmm, it is frustrating to hear people be so ethnocentric, nationalistic, judgmental and so forth. I actually had a parent at my school ream me out one day when I was stuck watching the front office after school. It was really rude but I learned to stick to my guns politely, to listen to what people say so that I am better prepared for what will doubtless be coming my way again, and (after trying to make her see sense - no luck) that you know what - I do not have to justify myself to anyone else. It's not my job to change the world every time.
As it is I see the wheels turning in people's heads all the time when they see our happy family. That is huge right there.
While we are at it let's not forget that it is easy to be judgmental about people who chose an age or gender when adopting. Again it is what works for each family and in the end that people who need to be parents and children that need parents are able to become a family. The best part is that more love is added to the world.
I have seen some fairly judgmental complaints posted here to the effect that those of us adopting from Ethiopia should be less restrictive in their requests. That they should not limit their gender etc. and that they should be more open to boys older kids etc. Boys ARE GREAT - older kids ARE GREAT - that doesn't mean that everyone has to go forward with their adoption the same way. We are actually thinking about adopting an older boy if we adopt again.
However initially we chose to adopt a baby girl after doing a lot of research on Ethiopia and finding that girls are less likely to go to school, more likely to be married too young, more likely to become pregnant to early and more likely to have fistulas etc. Did I look forward to having a baby girl? You bet. We couldn't be happier with our decision. It works for US.
I don't know about anyone else but I too battle being judgmental and have to always learn learn learn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the guest speakers on the show On Point made some either very uniformed or deliberately limited statements on the program. Those statements stereotyped international adoptive parents and families. She said that people spend so much money when they could adopt a child here in the US in under 4 weeks for next to nothing. That families don't do this because they don't want to adopt a child of a different race or like the chic of adopting from an exotic country. She also stated that these adoptions are selfish and not to save a child. I made a quick comment that day but I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!
First of all let me add that the paperwork alone is enough to deter someone from adopting just because its exotic - GIVE ME A BREAK! That just makes me laugh.
The time put in, the heartache of hearing that there are delays and the nerves every time the bad news hits (lord knows the good news rarely sees the sunshine - its just not as sensational) as to how this might affect you - the tears of frustration as you wait and wait, and did I mention the ache - would put an end to and DOES put an end to nearly all attempts at adoption by people that wouldn't do well with it.
Oh and selfish. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!! My goodness that's what having kids is - it's an "I want" because none of us can guarantee that we will do a great job but we sure as heck want to try. Our agency MADE SURE that we weren't adopting to save a child. They want people who want to be parents and who want to deal with the good and the bad all the way.
I am thankful everyday that we used the agency that we did. Their ethicacy, their strict requirements, their adoptive parenting classes, and their ongoing support are worth every penny!
Oh and ONE invetro shot costs from 15 to 20 thousand dollars and may not take whereas - there are few international adoption referrals that don't result in an adopted child. If invetro works for a family then great. For us it worked to adopt instead. Did we save a child as a result - yes. That's the beauty of adoption - my daughter saved me too. I ACHED for years to be a mom. I needed her.
I was so mad at the mother that sent her child back. I am also sorry for her. I'm sorry for the boy and the family.
By the way many people came back with informed comments on the show - http://www.onpointradio.org/2010/04/a-new-look-at-global-adoption
I posted this comment to NPR during that On Point broadcast.
NPR:4/15/2010 10:47:15 AM
Children from Russia are very neglected in the orphanages. They cry during the night when they need to be fed/changed as infants and are never attended to. They continue to try to reach out for care and learn that they will NOT be heard. They sleep through the night and seem like such "good" "mature" babies when in fact they are developing brain paths that are abnormal and severely affect their ability to trust bond and attach in a healthy manner as they grow older.
ALSO it can be MUCH more expensive to adopt in the US no matter what path you choose especially if you run into any legal issues like a father appearing to say that he did not give consent etc. We chose to adopt internationally because it is supposed to be final. Our child is African and we would have been just as happy with an African American. Your guest misrepresents many adoptive parents. We are as concerned as anyone about ethicacy in international adoption but have seen plenty of problems that occur in the child welfare system/foster care. All in all we all need to be looking to take care of children and families everywhere no matter how they are formed.
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