Random

The love here is what I live for. Happy Gotcha Day, Valentines Day, Daddy Daughter Day, Friendship Day, and Happy We Will Love You Always Day. Daddy & I watched videos of you after you were asleep tonight. Today, just like 5 years ago, you are still more fun to watch than TV. Live or on video you are the silliest, sweetest, funniest person we know. We watched videos of our Gotcha Day, of us as a new family, of getting home to Nashville together for the first time, of you and your first time in a high chair, of you after your first Christmas and your toy "Hi" that you felt so grown up with as you randomly pushed buttons and listened and talked at just like mommy and daddy. Every year I appreciate this day so much and the joy you are to us and the world. 

10.22.15  Schools, diversity, and society concerns.  Part 1 The Root of My Evil.

Deep breath:

Been reading a lot lately. First hand reports, studies, facebook posts with discussions, newspaper and website articles. I am going to ramble.

I have been and can be classist, racist, sexist, and a xenophobe. OTHERS can be really hard. There. I DO NOT celebrate those parts of myself when feel or see them. I am not proud of them and deserve to be called on anything and everything that anyone sees coming from that place. I counter those parts of myself in many ways. I do it with understanding, and compassion, for myself and others. I work to root them out before they can rear their ugly heads. I also try to actively see those parts of myself that are built into human nature for survival: being wary of others, pulling away from people that I am unsure about, quickly categorizing If I start to have those impulses I hope that they are/ will be balanced by my other smarts and my best will prevail.

Human reactions that cause wariness, withdrawal, grouping, and categorizing can be a part of how we survive. There are times when they have served me well, instinctively, in my life and kept me from harm. But I think over these scenarios though my life and place them against the context of new information, experiences, my thoughtful half, and learning. They still come up as appropriate reactions. But there are other times where I look back and I realize that my instinct, reaction, thinking was uninformed, misinformed, and/or wrong. And I am ashamed of myself and my soul then. Some of those times my perceptions have even left me open to more danger, not less. Calling my instincts needed for safety does not justify keeping badly formed instincts.

This is a good bit about why I taught art and strive to be open: 
http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2015/10/21/how-to-spark-curiosity-in-children-by-embracing-uncertainty/

When I have reactions to the unknown and don’t bring my better self along the way...then I am can carry on in my thinking to racist, classist, sexist, xenophobic reactions or actions. If I don’t go over why I reacted or thought a certain way then that leaves me open to keeping those poor reactions as an accepted part of who I am. Challenging myself on those fronts is important to me. I keep striving to make decisions and take actions that reflect the parts of myself that are eager, open, just, joyful, idealistic, fair, sweet, curious, kind and loving.

In so many ways I’m a product of my society so I don’t think that I’m particularly special in any of this. Most people come from a good place of intention. I am of my history, the good and the bad. Mine has not been too bad. I am currently able to afford the time and effort to think and write about this. It’s a reflective kinda time for me and I am just calling my spade a spade. I also want to share because it might help break down the barriers to having the community that my daughter, and all children, deserve in order to beautifully grow and thrive. And I’m sharing this because I often benefit when others share, from a real and open place, their experiences dealing with life.

No angel

> I got asked the other day by a young woman, creative, and well traveled, if the house I was renting was in an area that was mostly... white. She had been asking questions about the alarm system,etc, and was concerned about her safety. I bit my lip then said I understand your concerns about being single woman and have asked many of the same questions myself in my life - except for the racial question. Yes the area is safe. You are in a city. If you are not involved in drugs then over here you are as safe as anyone else. Should I have said more. Yes. I was taken aback though. What to say never seems to hit my tongue in the right moment.
> I know that when I was in college I was a subject to the media's (cop shows, movies, thriller books, news etc) constant emphasis on crime and black men. I was from a small town. I learned - I set out to learn. I learned that I'm more likely to be attacked by someone I know. I learned that I am more likely to be harmed by someone of my own race. Those were the real stats. Then I got mad. Mad that my thoughts were so tainted. And what my mom raised me to do came into play...I thought, I asked, I talked, I confronted. I confronted the racist in me, the intolerant in me, the insecure in me. I learned that what I knew in my heart, people are just the same, I had to fight for everyday. I learned that I have to challenge my assumptions forever because the ideas that I think are mine may not be, and may not be true. I rarely watch cop shows etc now - they piss me off. I push myself everyday to grow as a kinder person. I am not always successful but I've met so many caring people in my neighborhood and that helps. I love people. But there are days like today, when I process what happened the other day, that I cry, and I'm over it all. I have not suffered the indignities and pain that my friends who are not white have. And I am so scared for my baby.

Stylish & Inexpensive Finds

Hi All,
I read a good blog article recently by Danielle Porter Condon http://citymomsblog.com/nashville/fashionable-kids-on-a-budget/up  about dressing kids stylishly on a budget. Danielle loves consignment sales, which I like, but I love thrift stores. I thought I would post some pics of the fabulous finds I saw at the  Goodwill on Gallatin Road next to Aldi's (another budget friendly shopping spot with great imported yummies).
All of the pics below were in MINT or almost mint shape except for the last two shoe shots. Those have a little wear. Some of the brands are: Converse, Sketchers, Keene (spelling?), American Eagle, Talbot's (long black wool coat!) Fossil, and a couple of Target pieces (Circo). Most are girls pieces except for the last two shots. Almost all are under $10 and most are closer to $5! My kinda finds! 
Enjoy!

HOOORAAAAAYYYY!!!!!

CITIZENSHIP!!!!!!
We hold up Amari's Certificate for her to see.
Amari - in reference to the picture on the certificate - "That's Amari!"
Mommy to Amari -  "Amari you are a Citizen of the United States of America!"
Amari - Giggles and "AMERICA!"
Mommy - "YAYYYYYY!!!"
Daddy to Amari - "Amari can you say certificate?"
Amari - "Cercicific!"
Mommy and Daddy -"GOOD JOB!"

When I went to the post office to pick up our package from the Department of Homeland Security yesterday I was pretty sure of what it would be and very excited. At the counter I couldn't help telling Ms. Lisa, the post lady, "I think this is her citizenship certificate!" Then I had a flash back to the day I turned our adoption dossier in at the post office.  That day as I handed over all of the heartfelt labor of love that went into that part of our adoption I announced to everyone there that I was officially mailing in our all of our adoption paperwork. There was a big hooray and congratulations.  Of course yesterday I had to tell Ms. Lisa that story too.  She found our package and showed me the note that said "CITZ CERT."  Big hoorays and congratualtions again.

There is more to do but that marker (and that chunk of work) in the process of Amari being here with us is HUGE and DONE!

Our friend Ulli said Amari needs a citizenship party.  I think she's right!  So I'm putting all the everything on hold and throwing a spontaneous celebration!  Want to come?

long time no post

I found a quote that I think describes the essence of what we feel: "Adopting a child and helping them reach their potential, they help us reach ours. An adopted child is not an unwanted child; to the contrary. They are a child that was searched for, prayed for, cried for, begged for; received by arms that ached, making empty hearts full. Love is meant to be shared."  
In Ethiopia all children are so wanted and loved but the country, which allocates much of its finances to the care of orphans, is too strained by the millions of orphans that need... need and deserve the love of a family. While only about 1% are adopted that is just one way of trying to care for their children.  There were no orphanages in Ethiopia until about a decade ago  - the extended family/community always brought home children in need.  

Even more on the subject  - I got a reply from an adoptive parent that asked for suggestions on how to reply to an adult. Here's my reply:

For the question - "How much did your adoption cost?"

I would use basically the same idea as with the adolescent now just simpler. So here are my thoughts...

How much did your wedding cost? Probably will stop someone annoying in their tracks.
Or you could go the educational route...
How much did/does getting married cost?  Not the optional stuff like the dress, the decore, guests, food, etc.  - the nessasary costs?
Unlike not using wedding planners and caterers which might mean that it coud be easier for things to go wrong like the food gets cold or the flowers aren't the right color... Not using an agency and/or a lawyer in such a complicated legal (2 countries & the UN) process means that things could go seriously wrong and the adoption could fail. That is like a miscarriage-a death. Its heartbreaking. 

"Why is it so complicated?" A minor is involved. 2 countries & the UN trying to do right by a child/children.

For the question of why adoption/why international adoption...
Why did you get married in a church/a hotel/on the beach/....?
Or...
Why does one couple choose to get married in a hometown and another in the city they currently live in instead of someone's hometown?  Everyone has to decide what works best for them - and  socially we say "It's your day - do what makes you happy" because in the end it's all about the love...right? Same for us.

There are lots of ways to become parent's/have kids.  We did what works for our family.

Total deflection for me are these:
No matter how a family chooses to have kids we are happy for them.

Isn't it great that we created more love in the world?
(That one works for lots of questions)

I will say people are mostly kind (we may be lucky but nobody mean/rude yet since we have been home) and I usually feel open and fine with questions because adoption is complicated and people really just don't know. I also don't want to be rude in return.  However there are times when I can't be "ON" and so I try to smile and deflect. 

For me its all about the love - Peace out.J/K!!!

Lisa