Happy Mom's Day!

We had such trouble with Amari waking 5-7x times a night, then going down to 3-4x with some of them taking at hour or more for her to get back to sleep. We have done lots more than this post to address her needs. For example I slowed down on activities out there in the world and that made a huge difference. We had Amari's godmother visit in March and together we figured out that if we did too much Amari couldn't go to sleep/stay asleep very well. She's still adjusting to life here.

This is the note I wrote our agency today. They have been very supportive and helpful with the adoption needs that we had to work on to help Amari sleep. This is an update to then on the recent work we have been doing.

HAPPY MOM'S DAY!

Amari is now getting up 1 or 2 times at night! She always need a diaper change one time or she wet (even with nighttime diapers) Additional things we are doing now are trying to mostly have the same person who bathes her gets her ready for bed put her down. Going to bed even earlier. We went from asleep at 7:30 to 7:15 to 7. She got up earlier with 7:15 but does not with 7. She's up at 5:30ish regardless now but she sleeps better.

Sometimes we use the Highlands teething tablets before bed - is she has any of a bottle from the day left we put them in there and give her the bottle before we do stories so that she doesn't need the bottle to sleep. We have used infant Ibuprofin - dosage from our pediatrician - a few times (she has teething and ear infections - sometimes at the same time) over the last few weeks. She had her first fever and so I found out what her dosage would be.

When she is sick/teething I hold/rock/sling her for the whole afternoon nap. She will wake and go back to sleep verses wake in the crib and stay up. If I need to crib her for an afternoon nap when she wakes I take her to the rocking chair or sling her in nap mode and see if she'll go back to sleep. Sleeping longer for that nap also helps at night. She is more relaxed and less keyed up.

I also make sure now that she's more mobile that we do as much active crawling and standing as she's up for when she's alert. When she's sick and teething I get her to crawl to me then hug hold her till she wants to go off on her own again. She wants to stand on my lap then and will just sit if worn out/low energy. I don't force her but give her lots of opportunities to go off on her own. While playing she checks in with me visually and physically a lot more when she doesn't feel well. I make myself available for that (sit at her level while folding laundry etc.) and she lets me know fast when she's tired/needy. We are aware that this is promoting dependence and additional bonding but that when healthy a little more independence will be good and that once we're secure in attachment etc we will work on her playing more on her own again.

Of course we always make a point to do extra interactive playing for bonding - but when she's not well sometimes she really just goes around quietly in the sling while I talk to her and is perfectly happy for longer periods of time than when healthy. we don't want that to become habit forming over normal play and healthy activity.

We still play peekaboo and she has started initiating the game herself! We play in her room at least once a day so that she has positive associations with the room as well as play/interact with the crib in fun ways (pulling up/peekaboo).

She is slowly getting to be less needy when she wakes at night as well.
I did start to be very minimally interactive with her at those times over the last month. It's hard at first and I battled in myself with what's the appropriate dependence /independence level/thing to do here. However she can now wake and babble and play a little on her own in the AM before she calls for us and can go back to sleep more on her own.
Here's what I did.
I started putting her back in the crib {after changing her diaper or, later in the night just picking her up, with one soft kiss, no talking, no play, no more eye contact (minimal stimulus) then standing by her crib holding her and rocking her till drowsy again} in sleep position and barely touching her/quickly removing my touch from her. I had done the holding her head/bottom with the slow removal of touch and waiting 5 minutes between changes/once asleep for a long time. At this point though I would only touch her when she went to get up on all fours and look around or sit up. Otherwise I let her figure out how she wanted to lay and how to get back to sleep with just me there. I then started moving slowly out of her line of site but staying in the room - only stepping in to quickly get her back into a laying down position. It was not easy and took a lot of time for some nights as she tested this out. I would ALSO step in and put her in a sleep position when she moved from fussing/crying to screaming/furious. I didn't want her to suffer but to figure it out. She eventually did and it really helped. She still needs me to put her down when she fully wakes but it doesn't take as long to get back to sleep and she doesn't react as strongly when I gently remove my touch from her as she fully settles back into sleep on her own.

Strangely there have been more times when we put her to bed and she's OUT (fully dependent/tottally asleep as we hold her .p) and she still sleeps better. Also I have started letting her hold my finger again WITH the snuggly and she is SO satisfied with that compromise ( almost 2months of not letting her) that she doesn't play with my hand and I can see her go ahhhhhhhhhhh. Happy.

Today Mark put her to sleep in the crib for her nap and she has been OUT for a long time. Usually only 35 min in the crib. Slow progress but with

LOTS of attention to the nuances and she is getting there. I just got the No Cry bedtime book and while I am going to read it (things will always be changing) I almost don't think we need it! I am so happy with the gentle, though FIRM and CONSISTANT - though not inflexible (sometimes I get frustrated and have to get Mark to take over before Amari feels that, sometimes I have to sit in the rocking chair over stand by her crib when it takes too long or I have zero energy) things we have done. It's amazing how in tune you can be with another person - especially one that can't talk to you about what they need.

We want her to be dependent but also healthy and getting enough rest. I'm resigned to being tired all the time and am amazed at how I can function on so little at times. However I also just gave up on the house and everything else again other than being clean so she can be healthy and safe while playing. I have been sick while she is and so those afternoon naps that I thought well maybe I'll do this...zzzzzz are just fine. We had a few weeks when we were all healthy and we didn't try to do too much. There is time - though it can be hard to believe it.

So there you go!