Doing better...

Mark and I went to two group get togethers yesterday for adoptive families and I'm feeling better. Also have had some time and perspective. It's still not easy but everyone that goes through the delays and changes in the adoption process knows what we are going through and can relate to where we are. If they've been there they really know and they can all empathize.

The inter-racially mixed family group of mostly adoptive families met in our neighborhood. There were kids of all ages playing on the piano, running around and doing what kids do. We ran into people that we know from living here and enjoyed getting to know them better and talking about everything with them. There were quite a few families and so many different adoption stories. This is a small town and we are a part of a special community now.

We went to meet up with another group for our first get together after that and might combine forces with the first group. Several families are traveling to bring home their child or newly returned so it turned out to be just us and another couple but it was a really good visit. They have been through the adoption ringer but are SO close to becoming parents and being home with their adorable boy. They had pictures of their little boy in Ethiopia that another family took for them and had all of the news from families that had been to Ethiopia recently. Their court date is coming up and their visa appointment is right after. The months be tween the referral and court have been hard but having the pictures and news from people has helped. We talked about our experiences and that overpowering yearning that I feel was the same in her. While it's hard on our guys it was funny that as couple we were the same. She and I worry and keep track of everything and they try not to read all the emails and chat site stuff because it's overwhelming and we are addicted!

I can't wait for the next get togethers and feel such relief that we will have people that know what this all is to share with as we go along this path of growing as a family. As much as I appreciate everyone's love and support it is also important to have people that understand from walking in the same shoes. It takes so much explaining to everyone else and always will. That's normal and fine but to not explain but just to have a statement accepted and understood is calming. To have responses that not only support and encourage but specifically address issues. Nice. Everyone at the get togethers encouraged us but they did it knowing that things will keep changing, it can get harder, it might not work out, it really hurts and that we will be OK and that we can become parents no matter what it will just take more than we could have ever anticipated or understood till we went through it. And after being around all the families, some that are or have adopted more than once and in so many ways, it's the love that we all want to share as parent's that we felt yesterday. It's there in the kids and we'll get there.

We are probably going to be waiting for even longer than we can imagine at this point. From here on out I really can't even begin to guess what the future holds. This process is one that we knew would not be easy. We knew it would be a lot of work. We knew it would be hard. We knew there would be uncertainty. We knew from others that had adopted that there would be tears as we went along. Tears of sadness as we comprehended the causes of so many orphans, confusion as we tried to do everything that was required, frustration as we waited, and all of these tears would be in hope for the tears of joy as we became parents. We had another notice of bad news and 3 to 6 months of addtional delays Friday. As I cried Friday night I realized that no matter what you hear, no matter where you are in the process there is no way to be ready for or to tolorate the pain of continually hearing of furthor extensive delays and possibly having your hopes smashed alltogether. This little girl is real. I have cried for her losing her mom, for her losing her country, culture, and anyone that has ever cared for her and all of the pain and confusion that she has been through in her short life. She may not be born yet but that is what many children around the world go through all the time before they are adopted. That is what our child will have gone through no matter how we adopt. Even if this adoption does not work out there are is a beautiful soul in Ethiopia that might have been for our hearts. For her we have been waiting, planning, and dreaming with such love and care and if we lose her we will always have her in our hearts. Right now though it just hurts so much and I really don't know quite how to handle it.