Random

The love here is what I live for. Happy Gotcha Day, Valentines Day, Daddy Daughter Day, Friendship Day, and Happy We Will Love You Always Day. Daddy & I watched videos of you after you were asleep tonight. Today, just like 5 years ago, you are still more fun to watch than TV. Live or on video you are the silliest, sweetest, funniest person we know. We watched videos of our Gotcha Day, of us as a new family, of getting home to Nashville together for the first time, of you and your first time in a high chair, of you after your first Christmas and your toy "Hi" that you felt so grown up with as you randomly pushed buttons and listened and talked at just like mommy and daddy. Every year I appreciate this day so much and the joy you are to us and the world. 

10.22.15  Schools, diversity, and society concerns.  Part 1 The Root of My Evil.

Deep breath:

Been reading a lot lately. First hand reports, studies, facebook posts with discussions, newspaper and website articles. I am going to ramble.

I have been and can be classist, racist, sexist, and a xenophobe. OTHERS can be really hard. There. I DO NOT celebrate those parts of myself when feel or see them. I am not proud of them and deserve to be called on anything and everything that anyone sees coming from that place. I counter those parts of myself in many ways. I do it with understanding, and compassion, for myself and others. I work to root them out before they can rear their ugly heads. I also try to actively see those parts of myself that are built into human nature for survival: being wary of others, pulling away from people that I am unsure about, quickly categorizing If I start to have those impulses I hope that they are/ will be balanced by my other smarts and my best will prevail.

Human reactions that cause wariness, withdrawal, grouping, and categorizing can be a part of how we survive. There are times when they have served me well, instinctively, in my life and kept me from harm. But I think over these scenarios though my life and place them against the context of new information, experiences, my thoughtful half, and learning. They still come up as appropriate reactions. But there are other times where I look back and I realize that my instinct, reaction, thinking was uninformed, misinformed, and/or wrong. And I am ashamed of myself and my soul then. Some of those times my perceptions have even left me open to more danger, not less. Calling my instincts needed for safety does not justify keeping badly formed instincts.

This is a good bit about why I taught art and strive to be open: 
http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2015/10/21/how-to-spark-curiosity-in-children-by-embracing-uncertainty/

When I have reactions to the unknown and don’t bring my better self along the way...then I am can carry on in my thinking to racist, classist, sexist, xenophobic reactions or actions. If I don’t go over why I reacted or thought a certain way then that leaves me open to keeping those poor reactions as an accepted part of who I am. Challenging myself on those fronts is important to me. I keep striving to make decisions and take actions that reflect the parts of myself that are eager, open, just, joyful, idealistic, fair, sweet, curious, kind and loving.

In so many ways I’m a product of my society so I don’t think that I’m particularly special in any of this. Most people come from a good place of intention. I am of my history, the good and the bad. Mine has not been too bad. I am currently able to afford the time and effort to think and write about this. It’s a reflective kinda time for me and I am just calling my spade a spade. I also want to share because it might help break down the barriers to having the community that my daughter, and all children, deserve in order to beautifully grow and thrive. And I’m sharing this because I often benefit when others share, from a real and open place, their experiences dealing with life.